It has been too long. Way too long..

posted by Justin D. Pereira

A Class Above The Rest

Nearly 2 weeks have I not blogged. Reasons to it why I honestly do not know. Somehow I do not feel the compulsive urge to air my thoughts on the internet nor do I even have the time. Haha....who am I kidding.

The time has come to start my true studies, my mugger self has been revealed ( though i only started yesterday with Chemistry ). For the next 4 1/2 weeks, it is only studies studies studies ( of course with some breaks, homeworks, badminton and school - in order of importance....AND OH YEAH ...COUNCIL - MY LOVE AND PASSION :)

My class has been terrific for the Service Learning Concert "A Child's Touch", and yours truly and his team of CREATIVE DESIGNERS came up with the ticket design, poster design and banner design. Cool eh...I must say, my digital art skills has been improving...hehe..of course with the effort of Shona and Rani. Cool girls ;)

My study plan is out, and I have submitted it to Ms Genette Koh (MY COUNCIL MENTOR). Meeting her tomorrow for a chat session. Not that I have done anything wrong of course...its just formality...like how the important people do it. To all my JC Friends, I think you should start studying now...it is essential..your promos is just like a month away.

Sigh....everyday I look at her, but I do not dare to do anything...there goes the Marketing Head of the 24th...

Who am I kidding la, I am just contented to be near. Though I treat her like a sister...perhaps more..I don't know...Such fun an joy, but I MUST CONCENTRATE ON MY STUDIES...I cannot afford to lose out anymore. This determination I will have to be one of the TOP FEW Students who do well academically in AJC. ( hey...a guy can dream...can't he?)

My Marketing Team is great. I believe we ARE THE BEST TEAM AROUND. SUCH a GRRREAT Mix of Talents!!! Go go go marketeers....we must do what we must :)

For Now, I leave this post hanging, as I have nothing more to say...though I will like to end it...that is how it shall stay.

YAY!!! A GAME!!! Tag!! ur it!..lol

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

01. (the person who tagged you is) - Joanna Loh aka Raeven Gotterdammerung


2. (your relationship with him/her is) - Friends?! School mate, crap mate, Chinese class mate...CHECKMATE!..lol


3. (5 impressions you have of him/her) - Weird, well-read, SUPER emo!..lol, cute, ______(fill in the blank yourself cause watever u say she is)

4. (the most memorable thing he/she has done for you) -Show me that YJ does at least has its...(read my blog for full details..lol)

5. (the most memorable words he/she has said to you) - " Slap you then you know!!"

6. (if he/she becomes your lover, you will) - hmmm... *Smirks*

7. (if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be) - Being more open.

8. (if he/she becomes your enemy, you will) - Do my best to kill and bury myself far far away so that she doesn't dig me up me and kill me again...lol

9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be) - NOW, that would be something i don't know...maybe u can tell me Raeven.

10. (the most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is) - DO something super nice to have her give me her recipe for the triple-chocolate butterscotch brownie...please?!


11. (your overall impression of him/her is) - Eccentric, Female version of my "former" best friend and maybe a bit more opinionated. But overall an enigma.

12. (how you think people around you will feel about you) - Shan't say...read my blog

13. (the characteristic you love about yourself is) - Being super sensitive to everything and the ability to laugh my head off( not sure whether it still works but given the right conditions...=D)

14. (the characteristic you hate about yourself is) - Being super sensitive and over-analysing the situation which sometimes produces facts that are not really healthy for the heart.

15. (the most ideal person you want to be is) - Hmmm...someone in my dreams...

16. (for people that care and like you, say something to them) - "Sakae sushi treat anyone?!"...lol

17. (pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you)

1. Justin
2.Anthony( alas, he doesn't even have a blog)
3. Swee liang( maybe cause he has a blog..lol...but i doubt he even know this blog exist)
4. Si Ying
5. Deziree Wong( if she even comes her at all)
**( i really cant think of anyone else who either, come to this blog at all or even have a blog....and for those who have a blog, I don't think they even noe i read their blog...so ya whoever has nothing better to do...feel free to play this game. But for the sake of the questions later...i'll just dump in names at random)
6. Shing Rong
7. Diyana
8. Nora
9. Ming Ching
10. Yi Ting( not my classmate but the president of the debate club in YJC)

(who is no.6 having a relationship with?) - HELL if i know...the *** magnet...lol

(Is no.9 a male or female?) - Hmmm... physically enough to be male... Gossipy enough to be female...LOL...take your pick

(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?) - No.Hell no. But in a crude way, if they were to just be friends...they might set up an anti-club against me and...LOL

(What is no.2 studying?) - Phy,Maths,Econs,Chem

(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?) - A simple "hello" when he came over to his cousin's, Anthony, house if i'm not wrong during Michel's birthday this year.

(What kind of music does no.8 like?) - RADIO!..lol

(Does no.1 has any siblings?) - Nah, only child...but if you were to include the agents...( go count yourself)

(Will you woo no.3?) - Maybe...if he was a girl...LOL

(How about no.7?) - She'll kill herself 1st...I'm sure of it...lol

(Is no.4 single?) - Frankly speaking...I think yes

(What’s the surname of no.5?) - Its already stated!..lol

(What’s the hobby of no.4?) - Hmmm....Gossiping with her girlfriends whenever they have time to even say a word...lol

(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?) - LOL...one is in Sembawang sec, while the other is in YJC.. what do you think?

(Where is no.2 studying at?) - yjc!!!

(Say something casual about no.1) - Hi, dirty little boy, you hypocrite...LOL...jk to the latter

(Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?) - Admiration yes...anything more....ewww

(Where does no.9 live?) - I think yishun since he is from CCHY

(What colour does no.4 like?) - erm...green?!

(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?) - Well I think they know each other at the very least...

(Does no.7 like no.2?) - Um... no.

(How did you get to know no.2?) - Long, Long history, but simple beginnings," Hi, whats your name?"

(Does no.1 have any pets?) - 2 mistress and 1 wife...lol( a PDA, a computer, a laptop)

(Is no.6 the sexiest person in the world?) - Maybe to all of his admirers out there...LOL

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

If anyone can tell me the meaning of that word,
Feel free to step forward.
But I have my own definition...
Many would say there is no such word,
I, however, say otherwise,
It's just a jumble up of words to express a feeling,
and that is exactly how I feel now-All jumbled up

It has been almost a week since I lasted blogged,
the days have been tough,
sluggishly going by,
One more week to the holidays,
But I'm not looking forward to it...

And to believe that I would have been better off from my last post,
But no...
I'm in deeper crap from where I once left off,
And it is really taking it toll ,
in the end,
I'M STILL HUMAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Still, I've come to that conclusion that has always been inevitable
A solo life...
A cursed life...
One which sounds so like an epic hero movie..AS IF!
And I don't think I should fool myself anymore,
that someone out there
cares....
understands...
or even knows of my existence...
Cause after being through this shitty week, it has dawned upon me that
I really have no friends...

I used to contemplate on how perfect friendships were,
where euphoria is a daily miracle,
and for once in your life you feel
normal....
accepted...
maybe even protected....
But, alas, i was never meant to experience that fate ever again.

It is hard,
hard to face life like that every single day
it is taking its toll,
but who cares?!

As if that is not enough for a soul to handle,
The taunting continues,
Seeing my former friends enjoying themselves in the midst of all this
does cut the heart real deep.
And to know that they are supporting each other,
while I was left in the dirt to willow in my own misery.
But I do not blame them, for they have their own lives to lead
Still one sure does hope they turn around to help
only to realise they do not even know my blight...

How could I not think of the worst,
When so many signs have shown themselves,
when they deliberately flaunt in front of me...
their cacophony of taunts, jeers and curses.
I'm really stupid to be optimistic anymore.

So this is the really definition of hopelessness...
where one questions,
"whats the point of living anymore..."
"what else is worth fighting for..."
&
" who bothers whether I live or die..."

And why am I really saying all this?
To hand out more weapons for my own demise...
Maybe...
Cause I don't care anymore
I have been reduced to actually almost talking to the wall
but blogging is better,
it gives one the hope that someone out there does listen
and bother to help
But after all I've been through
there is no more use to hope
For I was jinxed the moment I stepped out to venture on my own

" a single tear steaked down my face as I turned towards the cold darkness to hide from the colder reality..."

Reviews....Reflections...and thoughts

posted by Justin D. Pereira

Promotional Exams are in 47days time! Oh my freaking gosh...I have start preparing yet...with all the other stuff I have been doing. Aaargh...

Still, sometimes I wonder why I have so much stuff on my hands. Is it because of my need to be involved? maybe its my time management, the lack of it. I understand how Leroy is feeling as I had been feeling rather lonely and dejected in the first few months of JC. Especially being the only one there....

Let me give a taste of how its like....
You go for class, class is over, you end up in the library doing work or reading books, you go for class again. The only time you see your classmates ( note I used the word classmates and not friends ) is in class. That was the lifestyle I had and I tell you it is worlds apart from the close friendship which I had. Maybe this is my own fault for being too disciplined. ( reasons is a different thing and too sensitive to be put up ) :)

However, now things have changed. Though it is still hard as my subject combination is one of the weirdest in school ( 2 science 2 arts, who the hell takes it this way ! ), I still get to mix with my close friends in the council ( all those dirty jokes...lol and endless hours of brainstorming ) while being bonded with my class 1707 where I must say the spirit is soaring up up and away ( truly a class above the rest ) :)

Perhaps the two things that is needed are the ability to change and time itself. You can change, but you must change over time - there is no such ability to change in a split second and it is best if change is left gradually. To what you are to change, that is what you alone must discover. Sometimes you can get advice from your close friends, but it is you yourself who knows yourself the best.

Now the major thing for me is to find time for myself and my homework. Currently the busy level on me is an above average and this is going to go on for quite some time...Haha...I dont know why I am laughing about it...maybe its because I am going crazy...

Well after all this long talk, I must put a rest to my typing. I need to go running but I dont have the mood for it...anyone want to join me ? ( of course I must know you in the first place...lolx )

Carpe Diem - Sieze the day

Emotional wreck!

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

I am so like pushing my luck here la..using the comp till so late...but WAT the heck...i need to vent it somewhere

So anyway...i think I'm done with poems...lol. Kills too many brain cells. So I think I'll just go back to some good-ole incoherent mumbling, works every time =D. Oh and to all those new peeps viewing this blog, HI, and to all those who been here before, HI AGAIN! lol

So back to my whining...
I think it's like been what? nearly 8 months into JC life but I have yet to get used to its atmosphere, its norm. And I've asked myself why? Cos everyday still seems alienated to me. I just feel like I'm in a whole new world everyday in school. Not the positive kind but the negative one, where I always feel lost and lonely.

And to put it plainly, I was never the mugging kind. HELL NO! I've never motivated myself, nor pushed myself or ever did things on my own!But my current "friends" will think otherwise, the anti-social me.So why JC in the 1st place?!!?!?!?
Maybe it's that age-old excuse of " oh, cos my friend also there what". But what friend(s) exactly? My best bud has long forgotten me ages ago, and the only thing we ever talk about now is project proposals!

It has been real hard, to see all of them doing socially well in their class, while I here still insist of being "true" to our friendship. Well, what friendship?! I feel it is as if it was never there at all! And all those times where we faced laughter and tears together, what were they for?!!?!? To pass time?!...Hai, but then again, I think there are other reasons why I cannot enjoy the luxury of being too sociable.

I think the real reason here would be the fact that I carry this heavy burden, one which could determine friends and enemies in an instant. It's hard really to be the handful minority, to gamble everyday with the truth. Yes, yes.. those who know me will say that there are many others like me out there, but seriously I've yet met one ever since PRIMARY SCH! so stop trying to make me feel worst than I already am!

It really is so hard to go through everyday, scrutinising your own actions, how your response to everything will make that difference. Makes life so much more tedious, stressful. And the worst part is that everybody else seems to have it easier cos seriously, I would gladly swap life with anyone who is willing to live mine out.

I'm just not able to go through all of THAT again. Ain't prepared for all the condemning again! Ain't prepared for the struggle anymore... Cause I've been through enough to last me for a lifetime. But, I'm still suffering. Feeling all alone in this world, this JC. But it is a much better alternative to what I might face otherwise....

still...I'm lonely...wish you were still here to support me....

Sigh..long weekend..no time

posted by Justin D. Pereira

Hahahahah...i can simply go nuts. Theres a long weekend...i started my homework only like yesterday....aaarghghghhg...wasted my time watching NDP ( though I say it was well worth it ).
Sorry if I have not been able to blog much, too packed with homework and self pleasure of badminton ( whatever were you thinking of ...hmmm )

My posts will be short of late, until I can get more inspiration to type..but of course, pictures will be uploaded aplenty.

Celebrations in the Hall

posted by Justin D. Pereira

Aloy and Jason



Wai Hou looking all Cheery and stuff



The clique of the many

Really Random Pictures National Day Celebration

posted by Justin D. Pereira

In the Council Room getting ready...



Slacking About



The class ( i dont know which ) hard at work at SafraYishun



Interesting Perspective...i wish i gotten the potato chip flying into Han Wei's Mouth

... as neither can live while the other survives...

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

Never in so long have I ever been this lonely
to serve my days this independently
but is has never been like this

Gone were the days where I used to go home
worrying about nothing else other than homework
though we used to have our arguments
but at least
someone cared...
someone bothered...
and someone knew...

Now it's just me, myself and I
having only myself to argue and console
I used to think that a new environment would bring,
New hopes...
New opportunities...
New dreams...
and new friends...

But I was wrong,
So wrong!
The abyss of emptiness I was thrown into.
So what if one could dream, hope and pursue!
At the end of the day,
if one were to fail,
They could at least fall back on consoling arms.
But I had none...

As the days wore on,
the shell of loneliness and despair grew,
and i was forced into accepting this new facade,
Jubilant laughters and big smiles were things of the past,
now all i can do is grimace.

So often I tell myself that I cannot remain dependent,
on others happiness and triumphs,
That I am the only who can lead my life,
And make it happen.
Why do I so eagerly want to feel their happiness?
their pains?
their worries?
their gains?
When I cannot even feel myself.
Nosing into other people's business many would say,
but i say I'm being over-emotional,
to take the easy way out,
by lying to myself that if I can feel for others,
they can feel for me as well,
but I forget the one major flaw.

My brain is mine.
To keep,
To curse,
To prize,
and that is the fact that I have overlooked,
always hoping that the grass was always greener on the other side,
but alas, reality will always find its mark
and drill that abyss I'm so yearning to fill or close up,
But its obvious the former does not work anymore.

Again, why am I rambling like this?
What purpose would it serve,
To tell the whole world about how I feel?
My thoughts and reflections?
Absolutely no purpose at all.
Other than the fact that it is most stress-relieving to ramble.
But how many of us can be certain that there is someone out there?
Someone who is reading this,
And feeling this?
Someone who bothers,
who understands...

As you can see,
I'm making no sense.
Just incoherent rambling,
the vomiting of random emotions, thoughts and conclusions
resulting in a big mess
But do I care?
Obviously not,
Which is why I still blog.
In a way, it helps me to think
To talk to myself
To understand
That...
It is my life that is important now
and others are just another illusion
'' ...as neither can live while the other survives...''

Blessings to Raeven Gotterdammerung who gave me the inspiration for such incoherent ramblings.

Its finally over.

posted by Justin D. Pereira

The transitional phase

( bottom left : collar pin -> top left : nominee tag -> top right : elect's tag -> bottom right : councillor badge )

Its been a long and tiring 3 weeks and I must say yesterday's event was carried out successfully. Hopefully I can get all the photos from the Photographic Society and I have to make a speech on Monday to thank everybody. haha.

Now the next big event is National Day, followed by a whole slew of other activities. And also guess what, my school is paying for the OBS trip ( but of course limited to only 30 leaders ). Approximately, each person is $1000 as it is a 9 day affair with an overseas expedition. I so would like to go but then there is BravoXperior which would coincide. Hmmmm, must inform asap.

Anyway, now that my major project for the month is over, its time to get back to mugging, the stuff all AJCians love ( actually we don't but its just a stereotype - hehe ) Good to hear it from the horse's mouth. ( I am a horse you know... )

Haha, sigh...still got BravoXperior to plan ( wakakakakak....i so love being stressed out : ) To all my AJfriends who read this blog, please note a difference in the posters between Leroy ( a.k.a ComboKick ) and me. Currently, 4 of my secondary school friends are also postees of this blog as I want to increase the posts and that they are too lazy to come up with their own. I will post as often as I can within the 24th Students' Council Blog. so check it out! :

Tomorrow is Investiture :)

posted by Justin D. Pereira

Finally. All my hard work will pay off. Tomorrow is the big day for AJC Student Leaders. The event is big : Students' Council Investiture & CCA Leaders Handover 2007. For the past 3 weeks, my committee and I ( program head and overall in charge ) have been slogging like mad to rush out the proposal, technical runs and rehearsals. Honestly, this is much more than anything I have done in Secondary school, and I love it soooooo much :)

Will definitely post photos of the event. Just imagine the grandeur entrance music, followed by the blazing video ( done proudly by Cepheus ) and then my powerpoint of the CCA Executives looking so sleek and shiny. Haha, hopefully everthing will just click into place tomorrow, and everyone gets everything done right!

The day I ascend to position of marketing head. The day I will change the zeal within myself to be better and more resilient to the challenges I face in life, so that whatever obstacles comes in my way, I will make all effort to overcome it and not endure it like an insurmountable mountain that refuses to budge.

The power of passion, committment and a sheer sense of spirit. AJ 24th Students' Council, lets go!!!

AJC 24th Students Council Executive Committee. Rock On Guys!

Thats reality...really!

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

If there's one thing i hate & love about Chemistry teachers is that they are sooo matter-a-fact. Just today, I was lucky enough to enjoy 1 min of pleasure time with Mrs Chen( my chem tutor). Not only did she express her disappointments with me about my recent, horribly done, chem test, she also asked me whether i was prepared for the unthinkable; Retaining.

Truth be told, i have always been contemplating on retaining to re-choose my subject combination and pursue a H3 in Chemistry. But that little comment made by Mrs Chen(" just hope ur not going to have those suicidal thoughts wen u receive ur results after promo") just made retaining seem a whole lot more uglier! Though many would hate her for being so blunt with her comments, I actually respected her for being so straight forward. Maybe cause I'm used to having Chemistry Teachers like her, Mdm Phang..lol. But that's the thing about Chem teachers.

They never beat around the bush, they are always specific and hold precision as the top most priority in any situation and the most prominent of all the trends would be their DISCIPLINE!
It's self-explanatory. No wonder I adore Chem teachers so much.No matter how much we students always put pressure on them, they always hold up to their values and beliefs. That for one would be my number one respect-earner.

Though I think it would have been better that she reprimanded me rather than giving me that super disappointed face. Maybe because I'm now slacking on that discipline factor that was in me during the beginning of the school( most prominent in chemistry). Even though she's out there to kill all those who do not do well for their test, i really feel she means well cause in the end... if no one is to be the bad guy and bring us back down to earth ,that chemistry is not an easy subject OR jc for that matter, who else is going to tell us that if we don't buck up now, we'll be seeing our JC1 notes again.

But ,then again, I think you would have to earn such comments from her( ironic ain't it, earning a scolding from her!...lol) But put it logically, if she knows that your gonna fail anyway and nothing she says is going to do anything, WHY would she even bother to waste her breath on you!?!?!?

So my logic here is that , she still does see the potential in me but is disappointed that my discipline is quickly ebbing away. So the only fool proof way of getting that discipline back would be to bring that person down back to earth to smell the roses. Its hard i know to tell someone his going to fail, but it takes real guts to gamble with this kind of mental games...

Cos if the recipient is too weak to see behind the snide remark, he'd think that she's just biased and wants him to fail.

On the other hand, if the recipient took that as a constructive criticism, i think there is still hope for miracles to happen.

Ultimately, its people like Mrs Chen and Mdm Phang who makes Chemistry seem a much more interesting subject compared to the rest of the other subjects. I mean, where else can you find a teacher how goes harping about the high expectations of society, pouring out every single ounce of their guts to make sure you do well AND is always right in the end??? ...lol

I don't think i can truly express how I feel towards these teachers, but one thing i think i'm certain is that i would aspire to be in this field of super disciplined individuals.
But then again just so that I make myself clear, there are only now a handful of chem teachers who are like that left, as many of the new, aspiring ones are succumbing to the strains and stress to hold up their values, I do not blame them nor do i adore them as only the rare few will be willing to stay true to their values. Up to date, i am fortunate for having witness 2 such examples.

Well i think i can start by getting all of my work done and STOP hogging the computer like my results depend's on it...lol