... as neither can live while the other survives...

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

Never in so long have I ever been this lonely
to serve my days this independently
but is has never been like this

Gone were the days where I used to go home
worrying about nothing else other than homework
though we used to have our arguments
but at least
someone cared...
someone bothered...
and someone knew...

Now it's just me, myself and I
having only myself to argue and console
I used to think that a new environment would bring,
New hopes...
New opportunities...
New dreams...
and new friends...

But I was wrong,
So wrong!
The abyss of emptiness I was thrown into.
So what if one could dream, hope and pursue!
At the end of the day,
if one were to fail,
They could at least fall back on consoling arms.
But I had none...

As the days wore on,
the shell of loneliness and despair grew,
and i was forced into accepting this new facade,
Jubilant laughters and big smiles were things of the past,
now all i can do is grimace.

So often I tell myself that I cannot remain dependent,
on others happiness and triumphs,
That I am the only who can lead my life,
And make it happen.
Why do I so eagerly want to feel their happiness?
their pains?
their worries?
their gains?
When I cannot even feel myself.
Nosing into other people's business many would say,
but i say I'm being over-emotional,
to take the easy way out,
by lying to myself that if I can feel for others,
they can feel for me as well,
but I forget the one major flaw.

My brain is mine.
To keep,
To curse,
To prize,
and that is the fact that I have overlooked,
always hoping that the grass was always greener on the other side,
but alas, reality will always find its mark
and drill that abyss I'm so yearning to fill or close up,
But its obvious the former does not work anymore.

Again, why am I rambling like this?
What purpose would it serve,
To tell the whole world about how I feel?
My thoughts and reflections?
Absolutely no purpose at all.
Other than the fact that it is most stress-relieving to ramble.
But how many of us can be certain that there is someone out there?
Someone who is reading this,
And feeling this?
Someone who bothers,
who understands...

As you can see,
I'm making no sense.
Just incoherent rambling,
the vomiting of random emotions, thoughts and conclusions
resulting in a big mess
But do I care?
Obviously not,
Which is why I still blog.
In a way, it helps me to think
To talk to myself
To understand
That...
It is my life that is important now
and others are just another illusion
'' ...as neither can live while the other survives...''

Blessings to Raeven Gotterdammerung who gave me the inspiration for such incoherent ramblings.