Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

If anyone can tell me the meaning of that word,
Feel free to step forward.
But I have my own definition...
Many would say there is no such word,
I, however, say otherwise,
It's just a jumble up of words to express a feeling,
and that is exactly how I feel now-All jumbled up

It has been almost a week since I lasted blogged,
the days have been tough,
sluggishly going by,
One more week to the holidays,
But I'm not looking forward to it...

And to believe that I would have been better off from my last post,
But no...
I'm in deeper crap from where I once left off,
And it is really taking it toll ,
in the end,
I'M STILL HUMAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Still, I've come to that conclusion that has always been inevitable
A solo life...
A cursed life...
One which sounds so like an epic hero movie..AS IF!
And I don't think I should fool myself anymore,
that someone out there
cares....
understands...
or even knows of my existence...
Cause after being through this shitty week, it has dawned upon me that
I really have no friends...

I used to contemplate on how perfect friendships were,
where euphoria is a daily miracle,
and for once in your life you feel
normal....
accepted...
maybe even protected....
But, alas, i was never meant to experience that fate ever again.

It is hard,
hard to face life like that every single day
it is taking its toll,
but who cares?!

As if that is not enough for a soul to handle,
The taunting continues,
Seeing my former friends enjoying themselves in the midst of all this
does cut the heart real deep.
And to know that they are supporting each other,
while I was left in the dirt to willow in my own misery.
But I do not blame them, for they have their own lives to lead
Still one sure does hope they turn around to help
only to realise they do not even know my blight...

How could I not think of the worst,
When so many signs have shown themselves,
when they deliberately flaunt in front of me...
their cacophony of taunts, jeers and curses.
I'm really stupid to be optimistic anymore.

So this is the really definition of hopelessness...
where one questions,
"whats the point of living anymore..."
"what else is worth fighting for..."
&
" who bothers whether I live or die..."

And why am I really saying all this?
To hand out more weapons for my own demise...
Maybe...
Cause I don't care anymore
I have been reduced to actually almost talking to the wall
but blogging is better,
it gives one the hope that someone out there does listen
and bother to help
But after all I've been through
there is no more use to hope
For I was jinxed the moment I stepped out to venture on my own

" a single tear steaked down my face as I turned towards the cold darkness to hide from the colder reality..."