Emotional wreck!

posted by c0mb0kick | LeRoy

I am so like pushing my luck here la..using the comp till so late...but WAT the heck...i need to vent it somewhere

So anyway...i think I'm done with poems...lol. Kills too many brain cells. So I think I'll just go back to some good-ole incoherent mumbling, works every time =D. Oh and to all those new peeps viewing this blog, HI, and to all those who been here before, HI AGAIN! lol

So back to my whining...
I think it's like been what? nearly 8 months into JC life but I have yet to get used to its atmosphere, its norm. And I've asked myself why? Cos everyday still seems alienated to me. I just feel like I'm in a whole new world everyday in school. Not the positive kind but the negative one, where I always feel lost and lonely.

And to put it plainly, I was never the mugging kind. HELL NO! I've never motivated myself, nor pushed myself or ever did things on my own!But my current "friends" will think otherwise, the anti-social me.So why JC in the 1st place?!!?!?!?
Maybe it's that age-old excuse of " oh, cos my friend also there what". But what friend(s) exactly? My best bud has long forgotten me ages ago, and the only thing we ever talk about now is project proposals!

It has been real hard, to see all of them doing socially well in their class, while I here still insist of being "true" to our friendship. Well, what friendship?! I feel it is as if it was never there at all! And all those times where we faced laughter and tears together, what were they for?!!?!? To pass time?!...Hai, but then again, I think there are other reasons why I cannot enjoy the luxury of being too sociable.

I think the real reason here would be the fact that I carry this heavy burden, one which could determine friends and enemies in an instant. It's hard really to be the handful minority, to gamble everyday with the truth. Yes, yes.. those who know me will say that there are many others like me out there, but seriously I've yet met one ever since PRIMARY SCH! so stop trying to make me feel worst than I already am!

It really is so hard to go through everyday, scrutinising your own actions, how your response to everything will make that difference. Makes life so much more tedious, stressful. And the worst part is that everybody else seems to have it easier cos seriously, I would gladly swap life with anyone who is willing to live mine out.

I'm just not able to go through all of THAT again. Ain't prepared for all the condemning again! Ain't prepared for the struggle anymore... Cause I've been through enough to last me for a lifetime. But, I'm still suffering. Feeling all alone in this world, this JC. But it is a much better alternative to what I might face otherwise....

still...I'm lonely...wish you were still here to support me....